By Meghan VivoEvery day, teenage girls are bombarded by messages from peers and the media telling them they're not good enough. Without a strong sense of self, teenage girls can find themselves struggling in school, abusing drugs or alcohol to numb negative feelings, cutting, bullying, developing eating disorders because of poor body image, trying to fit into a negative peer group, becoming sexually active too early and making poor decisions even when she knows better. In order to make healthy choices, teenage girls need a strong foundation. They need to know who they are and what they stand for and have the confidence to believe they can accomplish anything they set out to do. Signs of Low Self-Esteem Does your daughter have low self-esteem? An adolescent's demeanor and patterns of behavior can be strong indicators of how they feel about themselves. Here are a few signs of low self-esteem:
Girls who appear overly confident (for example, talking about how much they love themselves or how good they are at certain things) may also be suffering from low self-esteem. Rather than appearing down on themselves, they try to mask their insecurities by acting overly secure. Even young girls with an impressive list of achievements may have a negative self-image; instead of giving up, these girls strive to earn the acceptance of others by being "the best" at a given task. Parenting Tips: How to Support Your Daughter Parents can't always control how other people treat their children or the challenges their teens will face when they leave home each day, but they can arm their teens with a strong sense of self to help them through. The following are a few suggestions on raising teenage girls with high self-esteem: Show Your Love and Affection. During adolescence, teens want to differentiate from their parents and have more autonomy, but they should do so while maintaining their connection with family. Teens who know they are loved are more likely to open up and trust your opinions and rules, knowing you have their best interests at heart. Show how much you care by actively listening to your teen's opinions and ideas, asking questions and being interested in who they are. Rather than having everyone go their separate ways for dinner, sit down at the table together (without the television on) and talk about your day. In your free time, engage in healthy activities like exercising, working on an art project or taking a class together as a family. Having individual mother-daughter and father-daughter time can also cement strong family bonds and give teen girls positive male and female role models. Help Your Child Achieve Academic and Social Success. Self-confidence is the natural result of a series of small successes. Teens who do well in school and develop healthy friendships feel good about themselves and know their value. This makes them less dependent on others for approval and less likely to be victimized by friends or boyfriends. Encourage your daughter to invite her friends over so you can meet the people she spends her time with and see how your daughter acts around them. Treat Yourself and Others with Respect. Studies show that teen girls are more likely to diet, develop a negative body image and struggle with eating disorders if their mother does. Don't berate yourself, your body or your eating habits in front of your daughter or speak negatively about your kids. Instead, treat yourself and others with respect and compassion, always striving for your personal best but never demanding perfection. Also be aware of your own stereotypes about women and encourage your children to question their gender-based assumptions. Your daughter can help with yard work and home improvement projects, and your son can help cook dinner and clean the house. Encourage your daughter to get involved in sports, take math and science classes, and pursue a career in traditionally male-dominated fields. Instill Your Values. Teenage girls with a strong moral compass are less likely to fall in with the wrong crowd and engage in destructive behaviors. From a young age, make it clear that lying, cheating and hurting people aren't acceptable to you and enforce consequences for misbehaving. Monitor the amount of time your daughter spends on her cell phone and computer, and make a point to know where she is and what she's doing. Holding your daughter accountable as a teenager will be good practice as she enters adulthood, when society sets its own rules and expectations. Watch television and movies, read magazines, and listen to music with your teenage daughter, and discuss how girls are portrayed. Ask how those images make her feel and help her understand how advertising capitalizes on young women's anxieties and self-doubt to sell their products. Let Her Try (and Fail). When it comes to making decisions, protecting and rescuing your teenage daughter sends the message that she isn't capable of caring for herself or making healthy choices. Let her try different activities and come up with her own solutions to problems, and be there to support her if she fails. Praise her for her skills and efforts, knowing that she'll learn as much from her failures as her successes. You may also want to provide opportunities for your teen girl to build on her strengths and self-confidence by enrolling her in an all-girls therapeutic boarding school or wilderness camp, where she will receive support from other girls and female staff who act as role models for teen girls. These programs build girls' self-esteem through activities, leadership, taking calculated risks and achieving goals. Society imposes all sorts of limits on girls, but it is at home where girls first develop a sense of who they are. When teenage girls know they are worthy and valuable – not because of their appearance or ability to please others, but because of who they are and what they stand for – there are no limits.
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