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5 Skills That Help Teen Girls Better Navigate Adolescence

By Leslie Davis

Teenage girls are prone to experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions, insecurities and self-doubts as they navigate their high school years. For girls who are also dealing with such issues as substance abuse, depression, a dysfunctional family or similar issues, attempting to survive high school can be challenging and overwhelming.

The staff at Bromley Brook, an all-girls boarding school in Vermont, has identified five skills that girls can work on to help regulate their emotions, solve problems and more effectively communicate so they can better handle all that the teenage years throw at them:

Mindfulness

With increased mindfulness of their feelings, emotions and behaviors, girls can decrease confusion about who they are, establish boundaries about what they'll tolerate and dispel any emptiness they are experiencing. Increasing mindfulness can mean observing a situation or participating in it while not jumping to conclusions. It also requires girls to stay in the present, remain focused and address the issue at hand.

Distress Tolerance

A high tolerance for distress can result in fewer impulsive behaviors and suicidal thoughts. This type of tolerance can be gained by putting things into perspective, directing energy elsewhere (such as a hobby or sport), and understanding what can and can't be controlled in a situation. This skill can be strengthened through positive self-image and the encouragement and support of peers and adults.

Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation requires teens not to suppress their feelings, but instead to observe their experiences and release their emotions. Strengthening this skill means not worrying about when something will end, but instead living in the moment and engaging in new relationships and experiences. Girls can work on this skill by doing one thing a day that they enjoy, or by making a list of positive events they want to have in their lives and creating the steps needed to get there.

Interpersonal Skills

Strong interpersonal skills can help cultivate relationships, boost confidence and decrease fears of abandonment. This skill requires girls to express their feelings and opinions in constructive ways and to assert themselves by asking questions and staying focused on their objective. It also requires girls to work to understand how to reinforce the feelings of another person while staying flexible and considering alternative solutions.

Self-Management

Self-management means learning how to take care of themselves through practices such as good personal hygiene, healthy eating habits, regular exercise, following rules and learning how to self-reflect.

"We want to help girls look at what their struggles are and the process of how they problem solve," said Sharon Hartunian, LICSW, LADC 1, CADAC, Bromley Brook's clinical director. "It can help them realize that there is no absolute way of thinking and feeling, and they can see if there are certain skills that can help them."

Bromley Brook Helps Students Strengthen Skills

To help its students strengthen these skills, Bromley Brook staff created Focus Cards that allow students to label the feelings, thoughts and behavioral issues they need to work on as well as some specific skills that can help them successfully problem solve.

The students receive one Focus Card each week, which is added to a binder of collected cards that girls and treating staff can refer back to. Three times each day, students are given time to reflect on their behaviors and fill in the cards, rating their experiences using the coping techniques and the helpfulness of the chosen skill.

"The cards can help the girls be more mindful rather than just react in the moment," Hartunian said. "The cards can help them look at what they're struggling with and the process of how they handle problems."

Using the cards, the girls can test out what coping techniques really work for them, and experiment with different ways to manage their self and their emotions.

"So many of our girls struggle with distress tolerance and emotional regulation," said Mary Jo DeGrandi, MS, coordinator of Special Therapeutic Programs at Bromley Brook. "We want to create opportunities throughout the day for the girls to reflect on what's going on with them and what strategies they used to try to help themselves."

Through the use of the cards, and the skills students gain, girls can develop effective coping skills that can help them address challenges and engage in healthy behaviors so the high school years don't seem as daunting.

The Focus Cards are simplified versions of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) diary cards that have been successfully used in therapy since the 1990s. Bromley Brook has run a DBT group for students for years, but only a small group of girls participated. The cards allow all students to benefit from DBT.

"We were already doing DBT work and realized that every girl would benefit from it," Hartunian explained. "It provides a concrete way for students to measure and keep track of their emotions."


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